


What's for Dinner?

by avianscribe



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: And nobody's going to tell him, Chocobo's on the menu, Gen, Prompto doesn't know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22273555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avianscribe/pseuds/avianscribe
Summary: In which the chocobo that steals Ignis's glasses getsserved...
Relationships: Gladiolus Amicitia & Prompto Argentum & Noctis Lucis Caelum & Ignis Scientia
Comments: 36
Kudos: 102





	What's for Dinner?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Orphelwe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orphelwe/gifts), [SeleneDarkbloom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeleneDarkbloom/gifts), [CelestialCelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelestialCelly/gifts).



> Taking a quick creative break from my longer WIPs with this silly (dark?) idea, inspired by a discussion with friends... >:) This is silly and dumb and I'm so sorry.

It was a good thing Prompto was out on his morning run when Ignis and Noctis returned from their impromptu hunt. As it was, Gladio could only stand and stare as the pair hiked up to the haven, carrying a huge, black, feathery carcass between them. Ignis looked ready to murder something and Noctis was pale and wary. 

“What’s up with this?” Gladio asked, gesturing at the bird. Clearly a chocobo, and dead as a doornail. Far from their usual quarry.

“Excuse me,” Ignis snapped. “I need to take care of this, if you don’t mind… best I do it before Prompto gets back.” And he set to work, plucking and dressing the carcass like it was just another bird destined to be dinner.

Gladio pulled Noct to one side. “What’s going on?” he whispered.

Noctis looked a little edgy, and glanced Ignis’s way -- but the advisor was fully engrossed in his task. “The… ah… bird…  _ stole  _ Iggy’s glasses,” Noctis finally said. 

“It  _ what?” _ Gladio hissed.

“I think Iggy was, like, washing his face or something? And the bird just grabbed them and ran. He took me out to help get them back. And…” Noct gestured at the bird. 

“Huh,” Gladio said. “Lesson learned. Don’t get between Iggy and his specs.”

Gladio might have imagined it, but he thought Noct shuddered.

“Don’t tell Prompto,” Noct whispered.

Gladio couldn’t agree more.

* * *

Ignis was long done with the bird and had whisked away all signs even of the feathers by the time Prompto got back (and Gladio wasn’t sure how he managed it, because plucking a bird that size was a LOT of work). He was going to ask Ignis later (when Prompto wouldn’t overhear him) about what he planned to do with the thing -- but his question went unasked, because the bird re-emerged that night at dinner. Ignis pulled a giant drumstick from their food stores in the Armiger and dressed it up for cooking.

“Whoa,” Prompto said, when he saw it. “Whatever that came from is  _ massive. _ What is it, Igs?”

“Revenge,” Ignis said.

Prompto looked puzzled, but Ignis didn’t explain. 

Gladio kept his mouth shut, and -- wisely, Gladio thought -- so did Noct. 

Ignis seasoned the drumstick and spitted it over the fire, and a couple hours later, they were sitting down to an amazing roast -- and while Gladio and Noct might have hesitated before they tasted it, Prompto dug in right away. 

After his first bite into the perfectly-crispy skin, Prompto moaned. “Igster, you’ve outdone yourself, this is  _ amazing…!”  _ he said, and took another bite.

“Thank you, Prompto,” Ignis said, sounding completely pleased with himself. 

Gladio glanced at Noct and raised an eyebrow.

Noct shook his head. “Not a word,” he said. 

* * *

The bird’s meat lasted for quite a few meals. They were lucky the Armiger preserved things so well. It was like a regular deep-freeze, except things didn’t come out of it frozen. Prompto enjoyed  _ everything _ Ignis made from it -- and no one had the heart to tell him where the meat came from. 

A week after the last of the chocobo was gone, Prompto wistfully asked, “I wonder if we can get any more of that awesome whatever-it-was… Everything Ignis made from it was so! Tasty!” 

Gladio and Noctis looked at each other. 

Ignis pushed his glasses up. “It was a chance encounter, and I fear the bird is rather rare.”

“Awww!” Prompto said. “I hope we find another one soon!”

Noctis blanched. Gladio tried not to laugh, and ended up snorting. 

“If we don’t, it will be too soon,” Ignis said under his breath, and thankfully Prompto didn’t hear.

Gladio cornered Ignis after dinner, when Prompto and Noct had taken off to take pictures of the sunset. “Don’t you think you should  _ tell _ him?” 

“Nonsense, Gladio -- he’d be heartbroken.”

“Don’t you think he’d want to know something like that?”

Ignis hesitated. “In this case, I firmly believe that what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

Gladio wasn’t sure he agreed with that at all, but whatever. There wasn’t anything they could do about it now. Gladio didn’t want to think about what would happen if Prompto ever found out he’d developed a taste for chocobo. “Well, congratulations,” he said. “You contributed to the potential extinction of the black chocobo. Don’t you have any regrets?”

Ignis sighed. “No,” he said. “That bird got what was coming to it. And it turns out, revenge tastes so good with thyme.” And he smiled.

Gladio scowled. “That was bad and you should feel bad,” he said. 

Ignis pulled a handkerchief from his pocket, took off his glasses, and carefully wiped the lenses. “If I do, you’ll be the last to know,” he said.


End file.
